Tuesday, 15 April 2014

What sort of roles should we have?

Over the last few years I've noticed a lot of different ideas on how men and women should be. Relationships, work, home life, dress, behaviour in public, legal status, education and sexuality are some of the areas where there seems to be huge disagreement.

I'm going to ignore the various schools of feminism becase I assume that no one here believes in them. We all I assume broadly accept the idea of male headship of families and male leadership of society.

But beyond that I sense different approaches to gender issues, the organisation of society and questions of dress and behaviour. There also seems to be a divide between people who are mainly orientated towards a BDSM-tpe sexual relationship and don't go beyond that and those who genuinely want to establish a patriarchal society.

Even among the supporters of patriarchy there are differences of degree, emphasis and approach. The role of men and women isn't seen identically even by that group of people. Some want a sort of 1950s housewife type of set-up, others want a more hard approach where the sexual rights of the male outweigh the possible lack of enthusiasm of the female to an absolute and unqualified degree, some believe that domestic discipline is essential, and some look on females as less than human - at best a lower species of animal and at worst an object to be used.

So are we 'angels in the house' to be supported financially, treated like children or pets, our role seen as housewife and mother and cook and cleaner? Or are we sex objects to be fucked and used and nothing else about us matters? Or what?

Of course as a writer of many BDSM stories and a lot of articles and other posts I've sometimes written satire, sometimes fantasy and sometimes written how I really feel and think about things. And I'm not sure that even my own positions are necessarily consistent.

There are certain areas where I feel absolutely sure about the right way to think and act and the right direction that society should be taking. On the other hand there are others where I'm not sure at all or even where I find myself more in sympathy with women than men.

And there are whole aspects of life where I really feel that it's almost impossible to correct an injustice in one place without creating an equal injustice in others.

And of course there are different attitudes towards what both men and women feel is the right way to behave. Look at the thorny issue of the niqab/burkha - is a woman who wears one being submissive or not? Many Muslim feminists claim that to wear this garment does NOT mean that you are accepting male headship.

Anyway let's leave that specific issue aside and concentrate on more general aspects. How SHOULD women dress? Like nuns, like Doris Day or like sluts? Or does it depend - on the time and place and situation, on the individual relationship?

I have a marriage where my Husband has very definite ideas about how He wants me to dress. As those of you who know my blogs and groups and stories and other articles I've posted elsewhere know by now, in my case He wants me to dress like a total slut most of the time and only dress in a more 'modest' style at, say, parents' evenings at school or that sort of thing. But should there be general rules on dress? Or is it an area where different Masters will have different ideas?

A related area is modesty of speech. I think it's a given that we should be polite and respectful to Gentlemen but what about the way we speak? Is dirty talking out, only for the bedroom/relationship situations or can - maybe even should - us girls be foul-mouthed and swear like troopers all the time?

Another area of conflict is in the field of work. Should the husband work and support a stay-at-home wife? Or is that not just old-fashioned but economically unrealistic with the strains on people's incomes these days?

On purely sexual matters I think it's more simple on the whole. Girls really do have a duty to let men fuck them; going out on a date IS an implied contract where sex is on offer by the girl at the end of it; and IMO it's totally ridiculous to think that a husband, partner or boyfriend could POSSIBLY be guilty of 'rape.'

Date rape just ISN'T rape in any meaningful sense of the word.

It's a contract where the girl implicitly accepts that the man will want to fuck her and if she refuses at the end of the date then she's broken the contract and only SHE has done anything wrong.

If he DID decide to rape her when she acts like that then it's her own fault and she's only got herself to blame for what happened to her.

In the same way I think that if a girl gets pregnant - whether through a relatuonship or through rape - then ONLY the father of her unborn child should have the right to decide on whether or not she keeps the baby or has an abortion. The woman should have NO say in the matter whatsoever. It should be purely the man's decision.

As I put it in a slogan on a feminist message board where I went along to wind them up, 'her body; his choice.'

If a girl is in a relationship - marriage, partnership or boyfriend - equally she's entered into a contract where the man has the right to decide if and when to use contraception; if and when and how they have sex; if and when she can have an abortion; and every aspect of her sexuality should be controlled by him.

I could say a lot more but this post is already too long so I'll sit down and write part two!