Tuesday, 7 February 2012

The how and why of what I am

Since I started my blog I've had a lot of reaction to it. Some haven't responded directly and instead have made nasty comments - generally anonymously - on other sites putting out lies about me and about my blog.

Both men and women have liked some, most or even all of what I've said. Both men and women have disliked some, most or even all of what I've said.

Those who disagree with me tend to take three main points of view. The most common "anti" reaction is to assume that I'm writing satire and don't believe a word of what I say. The second most common "anti" reaction is to claim I'm really a man pretending to be a woman. The third "anti" reaction is to assume that I'm a mentally ill self-hating woman.

I can understand the argument that I'm writing satire. It's actually PARTLY true. I DO have a sense of humour; I DO enjoy winding people up; I DO like playing devil's advocate; I DO enjoy satire; and I can also deliberately use "shock jock" tactics to make a point.

Sometimes I'll push an argument to its extremes and see where it takes me..

At times, especially lately, I've looked back on some of the more outrageous posts I've made in the past and wished that maybe I'd expressed myself in a less sensationalist way.

Some of the things I said werre more like provocative debating points than necessarily meant literally.

And, of course, like most people, when it comes to the crunch I'd want my own family and my own situation NOT to be as extreme as some of the ideas I put forward.

I'm a writer of stories as well and I guess the boundarires between my vivid imagination and reality sometimes get a bit blurred in my mind.

All of those things are true about me and need to be remembered when you're reading my posts.

That DOESN'T mean I'm being insincere.

I won't waste any time responding to the nonsense about me being a bloke. Faye Kane gets the same lie hurled at her and it's just as much crap in my case as it is in hers.

For the record, I DON'T have a cock and balls; I've got tits and a cunt and I've given birth to three kids!

Now for the idea that I'm a loony tune self-hating woman.

Sometimes I've even wondered myself if that COULD be true.

The thing is, I DID get raped when I was 18 years old. Some people think it fucked me up for the rest of my life and scrambled my brain so I can't think straight.

Well, in quite a few ways it DID and maybe even still DOES.

On the other hand, my rape was ALSO a moment of pretty profound illumination for me.

You could almost call it a mystical experience.

It was my "road to Damascus" moment.

I had the BEST fucking orgasm of my life when I was being raped!

When I WAS raped, even as it was happening I suddenly realised several things - about me, about the bloke who'd raped me, and about what it meant for my life.

I'll try and keep it short because this post is already too long.

In the first place I realised it was MY fault that I'd got raped. I was drunk, dressed like a slut, talking dirty and deliberately leading the guy on. Basically I was behaving like a bully towards him and I only got what I DESERVED for the appallling way I treated him,

I also realised that because I'd had an ORGASM while I was being raped that meant that really I HAD consented to the "rape."

What I had that mystical day was NOT some horrific violent assault upon me; it was an entirely CONSENSUAL sexual act.

The very fact that I orgasmed PROVED that I'd CONSENTED to having sex!

I didn't suddenly turn overnight into the woman I am today but as a result of what I NOW see through the mists of time (nearly 13 years later) as being an act of KINDNESS towards me.

My "rape" - actually my CONSENSUAL "rough sex" - began to open my eyes to a new way of looking at the world.

Since that day other men have helped me towards the truth, particularly my wonderful husband and a number of men I've met online.

But if it hadn't been for that act of kindness towards me all those years ago I might STILL be the spoilt, arrogant feminist bitch I was at 18.

It sounds corny but this is NOT a piece of satire; NOT a piece of self-hatred.

It comes from the heart and is utterly sincere.

"Thank you, Mr Rapist, for the kindness you showed me all those years ago,"


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. It's understandable that you'd take it a little too far in some posts. When you genuinely wish for change, it is often better to outline the extreme position so others will be more likely to accept a moderate stance in that direction. The important thing is that you say what needs to be said to open the minds of others, and so far you've done a pretty good job of that. Obviously there will always be closed minded people who get upset, but the rest of us will definitely be looking forward to your future posts.

  3. I have to agree that your selfless rapist did us all a great service in showing you your true path. Dont compromise. Stay true to your illuminated destiny.

  4. What exactly is twisted, Anonymous?

    My post?

    The previous comment?

    Your comment?

    And how come you haven't got the bottle to use a name?

  5. It really is a great website, Thank you for your points of wiew about rape, women inferiority, women submission. I can see other way to think about rape and teh women status and role in this world. Yes, I strongly belive women are inferior to men in all, I really think so. women is to obey and serve a Men, her farther, her boyfriend, her husband, her sons, her boss and all men. And I think parents must teach their daughters to subnit to Men, teach they are only animals, pets, objets to the men's pleasure. I agree with you, just women are guilty for her rape, men are innocent. Laws must be changed. Don´t forget to tech your daughters submission, humillity, and when they are a little bit older, that rape is a gift. To your Son teach him the superiority of Men and that he will be the head of his home, wife and daughters, so He must dominate women in all ways possible, all women, his sisters and mom too willl be dominate by him